Three years. A prayer for moments and calling and suffering.

Today, as I celebrate three years of life and ministry in Haiti, I am reflecting on all the reasons I love this amazing country.

I love this country because I love…

...the moments.

The raw moments.  Kneeling in the middle of the dirt road, a half-clothes Synthia clinging to me as if I’ve been gone for a lifetime rather than just the summer.  Synthia’s sweaty, sticky skin clinging to me as she refuses to let go.

The real moments.  Shama crying for me to be the one to feed her when I come to visit her family at lunch time.  Shama falling asleep in my arms between bites of bilga and rice, her sleepy head lolling onto my shoulder.

The rich moments.  Twenty hands coming together to help me move classrooms at the beginning of the school year.  An endless chorus of “what else do you need?” making it wonderfully impossible for me to finish my own projects.

The rewarding moments.  Nikka’s eyes lighting up when she understands something new.  Isabelle’s smile showing hope for the first time in months.  Lina and Amos seeing me from across the yard and sprinting to me, arms high, desperate to tell me they missed me over the weekend.

...the calling.

To be called, to know beyond any shadow of a doubt that you are exactly where God wants you to be, to feel at peace with your life and your work and the place you call home.  To belong to something bigger than you.  It’s an amazing feeling.

...the suffering.

No, I do not love that people suffer.  But life is suffering and not engaging with suffering doesn’t make it any less real.  I have found that being in the middle of it, sharing the heavy burden, telling orphans they are not alone, letting the suffering surround you and leaning into it and being a part of it…there’s power in that.  There is something beautiful and magical and painfully difficult but infinitely worth it in just being a part of the suffering.  Reaching into the lives of others.  Sharing your pain and letting others share their tears.  Being there when Anna needs to cry herself to sleep, when Louis needs to scream and yell because life hasn’t been kind to him in his 7 years here on earth, when Isabelle needs to be reminded that she is loved, even when she feels lost and abandoned and unheard and unlovable.

Suffering exists.  I am blessed to be a part of God’s hope in the midst of it.

The past three years have been amazing. I have lived fully, loved completely, laughed hysterically, and ached deeply.  I have learned to trust God in ways I never knew possible…a lesson I’m still learning today.  I pray that my future is rich with moments and calling and suffering, wherever God leads.