Recovery is knowing that I am enough

We waited for the bell to ring signaling the end of passing period before we slipped into the empty bathroom.  I waited until Natasha had checked beneath all the stall doors – ensuring that we were alone – before pulling out the measuring tape I had stashed in my backpack that morning.  Starting with myself, I lifted my shirt to reveal my stomach, then wrapped the measuring tape around my waist.

“21 and a half,” I declared, looking down at the black lines and numbers that marked my destiny and my worth.

            Next it was Natasha’s turn.  I waited for her to roll up her shirt, then wrapped the measuring tape around her.

            “The same,” I said, checking the numbers just as I had for myself.

            We didn’t have much to compare our numbers to, but we had a start.  As we slipped out of the bathroom and headed for class (which we were now late to), I wondered what it would take to see the number on the measuring tape get smaller…Whatever it was, I was willing to do it, because I knew that the more the number went down, the more my worth would go up.

Fast forward 10 years.

I scanned the Old Navy website, searching for the best Black Friday deals I could find.  Clicking on a cute dress, I considered putting it in my cart, but hesitated when the website prompted me to choose a size.  Buying clothes online can be tricky.  Sometimes, there’s only one way to hope to get the right size…comparing your own measurements to the ones listed on the website.

Leaving my computer, I headed to the bathroom and pulled up my shirt.  As I looked in the mirror, a frown creased my forehead.  I wasn’t pleased with what I saw.  I reluctantly got out the white measuring tape.

I didn’t want to know.

Gritting my teeth, I forced myself to look down at the numbers.  Ick!  I hated the number I saw.  And yet, when I left the bathroom to return to my computer and see what size dress to order, I didn’t hate myself.

I may not always like the number on the scale or the measuring tape, but I know that it no longer defines my destiny or my worth.  And THAT is a victory worth celebrating.

*     *     *

How beautiful it is to know that my worth doesn’t lie in something as temporary as my size, height, weight, or appearance.  …So where does my worth come from?

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!” (Isaiah 43:1)

I belong to the Lord.  I am His.

That is my destiny.  That is my worth.

If you are struggling with an eating disorder, know that your worth and destiny are not determined by the scale.  Check out Zephaniah 3:17 and you will see that there is a God who is in your midst – a God who exults over you with joy.  There is a God who sees you, knows you, loves you, and is longing to tell you that you are enough.