Broken mirrors

She was standing before me in jeans and a tee shirt.  I studied her carefully and as I did so, anger began to rise within me.  I hated her.  When I glared at her in hatred, she glared back.  When I balled my hands into angry fists, so did she.  When I leaned forward and braced myself on the bathroom sink, so did she.  I willed her to leave me alone, to go away and never come back, but every time I looked into the mirror, she was still there.

I moved to the bathroom scale and stepped on it, closing my eyes and dreading what I might see.  Then, peaking at the scale from behind my fingers, I sighed with relief.  I had lost another pound.

But if I was losing weight, why was I still so fat?

The problem wasn’t my weight.  The problem was that I was searching for my worth in the mirror and in the number on the scale.  I didn’t realize that when you search for your worth in anything other than Christ, you will be disappointed (at the very least), and devastated (at the most).

In Jeremiah 2:13, God says, “My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water.”

The difference between a fountain and a cistern is that God’s fountain of living water already exists in His presence.  You only need to arrive in order to enjoy it.  But a cistern is made by hand.  Hewing a cistern is a hard, laborious task that gives little profit.

The difference between living water and the water in cisterns is that living water is deeply and eternally satisfying.  But the water in cisterns is shallow, unsatisfying, and easily drained.

When searching for my worth, I had two choices.  I could have chosen to search for it in God.  All I needed to do was ask Him to fill me and sustain me.  But instead, I chose my own broken cistern – or rather, broken mirror.  It was painful to strive after this broken mirror, but I believed it would be worth it.  I believed that being skinny was better than whatever God had for me.  And in the end, after painfully striving after Ana, I found that I wasn't the least bit satisfied.  On the contrary, my broken mirror had drained me of my joy.

No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. (Mat 6:24)

I tried to serve two masters.  But you can’t have one hand in sin and one hand in the church and still expect to be satisfied.

Broken mirrors only have the potential to bring temporary happiness, whereas God’s fountain brings eternal satisfaction despite temporary circumstances.  It’s time to choose your master and be completely devoted to Him.