Five Years Later

Five years ago, I had the adventure of a lifetime as I journeyed to Haiti for the very first time.

Five years ago, I was looking out an airplane window squealing excitedly because “that’s it!  That’s it!  That’s Haiti!!”

Five years ago, I was walking down a dirt street hand-in-hand with a five-year-old boy.  Dodging motorcycles and soaking in the sights and sounds of Saint Louis du Nord, Haiti.

Five years ago, I was dancing under the stars with Janide, falling in love with something totally new.

Five years ago, I was stumbling sloppily through a language I hardly knew, using a combination of French, English, Creole, charades, and awkward laughter to communicate.

Five years ago, I was exhausted.  I was confused as I wondered if I really could be a long-term missionary.  I was questioning God’s call for my life because living in Haiti was just so hard and I was just so lonely.

Five years ago, I left Haiti with tears streaming down my cheeks, promising my host family, my Haitian friends, and myself that this wasn’t goodbye.  This was just “see you later.”  By the time I got on the plane back to Arizona, I had no doubt in my mind that living in Haiti was my new dream.

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Now, five years later, I’m embarking on a new dream.

Now, I’m packing my bags…and boxes…and crates…and tubs…and anything else I can find.  I’m taking myself and my cat and all of my belongings and moving across the country to start a new job.  A new adventure.  A new life.

Now, I'm saying my goodbyes – which aren’t really goodbyes, because I’ll come back to visit, I promise! – in fluent Creole.  I’m savoring every hand-hold, every hug, every conversation knowing that it may be the last.

Now, I’m wading through the bittersweet transition, the heartbreak, the confusion, the joy, the excitement, the fears, the questions, the uncertainty, and the certainty with courage that only God has given me.  How appropriate that the words God gave me for this year were BE BRAVE.

Now, I’m trusting God with all the details, all the plans, all the moments that I wish could last forever and all the moments that I can’t wait to happen on the other side.  I’m trusting God with my move, my summer, my new home, my new job, and especially my new dream of adoption.  I don’t know where this road will lead me, but as long as God is the One guiding me, I know I have no reason to be afraid.